I attended a workshop by my favorite artist, Sandy Gingras, at her BEAUTIFUL home on LBI. (Seriously, Coastal Living magazine come to live as only Sandy knows how.) Thinking I would learn technique, tips, or just cool stuff from the very talented Sandy, I went down there ready to draw, write, and create.
Instead, what I did, was feel.
I go through life as a to do list or Outlook calendar, one task or event at a time, but hardly ever look inside me to see what I'm feeling. As an only child, I'm an introvert by nature, even though to most I am an extremely outgoing extrovert. I internalize my thoughts and feelings but apparently I never go back and visit them on purpose. I did not expect to do that this weekend but I did and am feeling great from the experience.
Sandy had us do three exercises: 1)Free drawing - draw using your non-dominant hand using colors, textures, lines, and strokes but not shapes, pictures, or anything like that. Just draw for 3 minutes...no thinking just expression. 2) Free writing - now write a letter to yourself from your 100 year old self completing the thought "In the next few years until now, I wish you would..." This was another just write for 3 minutes, not worrying about punctuation, spelling, grammar. Just let the words flow and do not stop writing. 3) Draw a picture and write a story about an imperfect object you brought. We had to make the object come alive, name it, and draw it on the beach. Then write a story about it.
Sandy used the first exercise as a way for us to introduce ourselves but the trick was that we didn't actually say anything. We held up our free drawings as the others in the room made comments (positive ones) to describe what they saw. Then we talked about how accurate they were and it turns out they were fairly accurate for many people.
The second exercise is where I really started to feel. This is what I wrote:
"take time to hear the church bells, the sounds around town, smell the smells - the flowers, help people,s tay positive, inspire others, lend a hand, have fun and look for happy. Keep going work hard, play hard, love well, live vivaciously, dress up, sparkle, love others, stand tall don't hold back, don't forget, move forward sing, dance, be loud, be colorful, laugh, eat, drink, share, travel, decorate, accessorize, remember, relax, care, eat pizza, look at the sights, laugh at yourself - at others - at life - all of it, smile, be cheesy, remember your roots - your lessons - what built you - what defines you, be thankful and gracious, always bring something to someone's house, take time to visit and take less time to complain, travel change, adjust laugh, and entertain."
It was during this exercise when the tears really started welling up in my eyes. Probably because I realized how busy I am and how I don't always remember these things. But more so, the tears came as I wrote vigorously. When I was done writing, I was out of breath. The words just flowed from my heart through my arm and onto that paper. It was like something else took over me...maybe my heart? The tears were not sad tears...they were just relief tears. And they were great. I'd like to find a way to illustrate what I wrote and frame it. Maybe I'll cut up my free drawing and use it around it? We'll see.
The final exercise was where I completely lost it. The item I brought was an emotional item for me - the hamburger wallet my best friend gave to me the Christmas her house burnt down. I think because my guard was down and that item is so important to me I just couldn't hold back. I drew the hamburger on the beach in a beach chair under an umbrella around its friends. I named it Harry Hamburger, and he was there with his friends Karly Ketchup, Milly Milkshake, and Freddy Fry. The story was that Harry was on the beach with all his friends and he was happy and safe and would never have to be unhappy or unsafe again. A simple story that spoke profoundly, and even in re-writing it here, I find myself in tears.
So when I told my dear friend Karen, a very talented writer, about this workshop and how good it made me feel, she said the quote above, the heading of this blog, and she's so write. All this time I was creative because I like making things look or sound nice but really now I'm into it because it allows me to feel. That explains why the best days I have at work are the ones where I am the most creative.
Sandy used a few quotes during the workshop that really stuck with me:
"She went out on a limb, had it break off, and realized she could fly."
"Take the time to hear your inner voice in retreat."
"She's a beautiful mess."
So here I am, home, with my crayon drawings and scribbled writings, and I am beautiful..and messy..and wouldn't have it any other way.
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