It's funny how when it comes down to it and you absolutely must, you just can't find the urge to write...
When 10 pages (+/- 5p ages) stand between you and a second Masters' degree you just can't find the words...
Yet, you...
Write a text to a classmate complaining about writing
and write a Tweet that plots the steps you're taking to be ready to write,
...but you just can't find the urge to write.
And then you...
Write out a birthday card to a friend
and write a quick reminder for the grocery store tomorrow,
...but still there's just no urge to write.
Soon you...
Write back and forth with some friends on Facebook about writing
and write an email to catch up with someone from the past,
...but where did that urge go to write?
In a hurry you...
Write back to that middle of the night drunk text-message from Mr. Saturday Night
and write another text to your best friend saying he's written.
...but you still can't find the urge to write.
And you write a blog about writing, and write search terms in Google, and write appointments on your calendar, and write out checks for the bills you must pay...
...but you're missing that urge to write.
But in a last minute jolt of energy in the dark of night comes a feeling so right and you get the urge to write and with the might of a knight and by that dim red light your fingers take flight and you write and you write 'cause you're bright.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Crayons
Since my creativity has been re-sparked recently, I decided to color away my day. Here's my first attempt at being artsy:
Feeling much better now.
Feeling much better now.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Why am I still single?
Because I am absolutely tired of hearing from practically everyone I know "You're so great/pretty/fun/smart/nice...why are you so single?" or some other variation of it, here is a little synapsis of what I've experienced in the dating pool lately:
Him: "If you knew what I was supposed to be doing Friday night, I'm not sure you'd want to go out with me."
Me: "Oh? What was that?"
Him: "I was supposed to film a porno for money. Don't tell me you're one of those traditional girls who isn't okay with that."
Me: "You're right. I guess I'm traditional."
Me: "My thesis is on Catholic colleges and universities' response to over-involved parents."
Him: "Oh, I'm Catholic. I totally get the joke there."
Me: "That's not a joke. That really is my thesis topic."
Me: "My parents are very important to me. I'm very close with them. I talk to my mom every day and go to basketball games with my dad."
Him: "Well, your dad's gotta die sometime, right?"
Him: "I'm old-fashioned, and don't play games."
Me: "Good. I really like you and don't want to rush into anything physically."
Him: "If you don't want to do that, then you're clearly not into me."
So there's my answer...the next person who asks is just going to get an email link to this post, and a slap across the face.
Him: "If you knew what I was supposed to be doing Friday night, I'm not sure you'd want to go out with me."
Me: "Oh? What was that?"
Him: "I was supposed to film a porno for money. Don't tell me you're one of those traditional girls who isn't okay with that."
Me: "You're right. I guess I'm traditional."
Me: "My thesis is on Catholic colleges and universities' response to over-involved parents."
Him: "Oh, I'm Catholic. I totally get the joke there."
Me: "That's not a joke. That really is my thesis topic."
Me: "My parents are very important to me. I'm very close with them. I talk to my mom every day and go to basketball games with my dad."
Him: "Well, your dad's gotta die sometime, right?"
Him: "I'm old-fashioned, and don't play games."
Me: "Good. I really like you and don't want to rush into anything physically."
Him: "If you don't want to do that, then you're clearly not into me."
So there's my answer...the next person who asks is just going to get an email link to this post, and a slap across the face.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
"That creative stuff? It's all about healing, girly"
Truer words could not have been spoken and, boy, did I learn that this weekend.
I attended a workshop by my favorite artist, Sandy Gingras, at her BEAUTIFUL home on LBI. (Seriously, Coastal Living magazine come to live as only Sandy knows how.) Thinking I would learn technique, tips, or just cool stuff from the very talented Sandy, I went down there ready to draw, write, and create.
Instead, what I did, was feel.
I go through life as a to do list or Outlook calendar, one task or event at a time, but hardly ever look inside me to see what I'm feeling. As an only child, I'm an introvert by nature, even though to most I am an extremely outgoing extrovert. I internalize my thoughts and feelings but apparently I never go back and visit them on purpose. I did not expect to do that this weekend but I did and am feeling great from the experience.
Sandy had us do three exercises: 1)Free drawing - draw using your non-dominant hand using colors, textures, lines, and strokes but not shapes, pictures, or anything like that. Just draw for 3 minutes...no thinking just expression. 2) Free writing - now write a letter to yourself from your 100 year old self completing the thought "In the next few years until now, I wish you would..." This was another just write for 3 minutes, not worrying about punctuation, spelling, grammar. Just let the words flow and do not stop writing. 3) Draw a picture and write a story about an imperfect object you brought. We had to make the object come alive, name it, and draw it on the beach. Then write a story about it.
Sandy used the first exercise as a way for us to introduce ourselves but the trick was that we didn't actually say anything. We held up our free drawings as the others in the room made comments (positive ones) to describe what they saw. Then we talked about how accurate they were and it turns out they were fairly accurate for many people.
The second exercise is where I really started to feel. This is what I wrote:
"take time to hear the church bells, the sounds around town, smell the smells - the flowers, help people,s tay positive, inspire others, lend a hand, have fun and look for happy. Keep going work hard, play hard, love well, live vivaciously, dress up, sparkle, love others, stand tall don't hold back, don't forget, move forward sing, dance, be loud, be colorful, laugh, eat, drink, share, travel, decorate, accessorize, remember, relax, care, eat pizza, look at the sights, laugh at yourself - at others - at life - all of it, smile, be cheesy, remember your roots - your lessons - what built you - what defines you, be thankful and gracious, always bring something to someone's house, take time to visit and take less time to complain, travel change, adjust laugh, and entertain."
It was during this exercise when the tears really started welling up in my eyes. Probably because I realized how busy I am and how I don't always remember these things. But more so, the tears came as I wrote vigorously. When I was done writing, I was out of breath. The words just flowed from my heart through my arm and onto that paper. It was like something else took over me...maybe my heart? The tears were not sad tears...they were just relief tears. And they were great. I'd like to find a way to illustrate what I wrote and frame it. Maybe I'll cut up my free drawing and use it around it? We'll see.
The final exercise was where I completely lost it. The item I brought was an emotional item for me - the hamburger wallet my best friend gave to me the Christmas her house burnt down. I think because my guard was down and that item is so important to me I just couldn't hold back. I drew the hamburger on the beach in a beach chair under an umbrella around its friends. I named it Harry Hamburger, and he was there with his friends Karly Ketchup, Milly Milkshake, and Freddy Fry. The story was that Harry was on the beach with all his friends and he was happy and safe and would never have to be unhappy or unsafe again. A simple story that spoke profoundly, and even in re-writing it here, I find myself in tears.
So when I told my dear friend Karen, a very talented writer, about this workshop and how good it made me feel, she said the quote above, the heading of this blog, and she's so write. All this time I was creative because I like making things look or sound nice but really now I'm into it because it allows me to feel. That explains why the best days I have at work are the ones where I am the most creative.
Sandy used a few quotes during the workshop that really stuck with me:
"She went out on a limb, had it break off, and realized she could fly."
"Take the time to hear your inner voice in retreat."
"She's a beautiful mess."
So here I am, home, with my crayon drawings and scribbled writings, and I am beautiful..and messy..and wouldn't have it any other way.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Loyalty
In my old age I'm finding out that loyalty means a lot to me; loyalty to your family, your friends, your favorite team, or a business who has always done you right.
It's easy to remain loyal when your team is winning, when your family isn't being annoying, and when your friends are within sight. But when times are the opposite, it's then that our loyalty is tested.
People laugh at me when I get passionate about something - a person, an item, a team, a product, a company - I make it my world. People hear about it incessantly. I recommend it to my friends. I find every opportunity possible to work it into my conversations. The things and people I am passionate about make me happy, and even though many people think I'm selfish (which I am to a point), I want to share this feeling of happiness with them so they can see what's making me feel so great.
Lately in life I've been seeing examples of a lack of loyalty. Your favorite team isn't always going to win (unless you're really lucky), but that doesn't mean you stop believing in them. They may frustrate you, break your heart, and crush your spirits, but you have to remember what makes them your favorite team in the first place and keep on believing that one day they'll win again. Businesspeople are going to make mistakes, and these mistakes are going to jam up your day, but a true sign of a good company is how the recover and how they keep their word and deliver their promise the next time around. If everyone got one strike in life, think of how short baseball games would be...there'd barely be enough time to find the toy in the Cracker Jacks!
Recently, I met and bonded with a group of individuals from completely different parts of the country. We communicate with each other every day, thanks to Facebook. We'll see each other once, maybe twice a year, some more often than others, but we are never far from each other's minds (mainly because our sarcastic banter keeps us well-entertained.) I've told everyone I know about this group of my friends, and people think I'm crazy, that I can't possibly make such good friends with people I met through a work conference in my thirties. To that I call shenanigans. As true, loyal friends do, we have each other's back in good times and on bad days. We listen, we remember, we ask, we laugh, we forgive, and we communicate, not because we have to, but because we want to. We have all bonded because of the company who introduced us, and because each of us believes very passionately in their products. Cultish? Maybe a little, but without the weird haircuts. While they haven't replaced my true friends I've had all these years, they are quickly becoming a part of my family. They are also showing me, without trying or even knowing they are, that I deserve the best in every aspect of my life, including the people I surround myself with. And I have learned that the people in this world who fall short of "the best" and have had more than their share of three strikes, are out. No apologies, no explanations, no time for toxicity.
To my true friends, old and new, I adore you. Thank you for your loyalty, your teachings, and all the laughs and smiles.
It's easy to remain loyal when your team is winning, when your family isn't being annoying, and when your friends are within sight. But when times are the opposite, it's then that our loyalty is tested.
People laugh at me when I get passionate about something - a person, an item, a team, a product, a company - I make it my world. People hear about it incessantly. I recommend it to my friends. I find every opportunity possible to work it into my conversations. The things and people I am passionate about make me happy, and even though many people think I'm selfish (which I am to a point), I want to share this feeling of happiness with them so they can see what's making me feel so great.
Lately in life I've been seeing examples of a lack of loyalty. Your favorite team isn't always going to win (unless you're really lucky), but that doesn't mean you stop believing in them. They may frustrate you, break your heart, and crush your spirits, but you have to remember what makes them your favorite team in the first place and keep on believing that one day they'll win again. Businesspeople are going to make mistakes, and these mistakes are going to jam up your day, but a true sign of a good company is how the recover and how they keep their word and deliver their promise the next time around. If everyone got one strike in life, think of how short baseball games would be...there'd barely be enough time to find the toy in the Cracker Jacks!
Recently, I met and bonded with a group of individuals from completely different parts of the country. We communicate with each other every day, thanks to Facebook. We'll see each other once, maybe twice a year, some more often than others, but we are never far from each other's minds (mainly because our sarcastic banter keeps us well-entertained.) I've told everyone I know about this group of my friends, and people think I'm crazy, that I can't possibly make such good friends with people I met through a work conference in my thirties. To that I call shenanigans. As true, loyal friends do, we have each other's back in good times and on bad days. We listen, we remember, we ask, we laugh, we forgive, and we communicate, not because we have to, but because we want to. We have all bonded because of the company who introduced us, and because each of us believes very passionately in their products. Cultish? Maybe a little, but without the weird haircuts. While they haven't replaced my true friends I've had all these years, they are quickly becoming a part of my family. They are also showing me, without trying or even knowing they are, that I deserve the best in every aspect of my life, including the people I surround myself with. And I have learned that the people in this world who fall short of "the best" and have had more than their share of three strikes, are out. No apologies, no explanations, no time for toxicity.
To my true friends, old and new, I adore you. Thank you for your loyalty, your teachings, and all the laughs and smiles.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A need to write
I'm certain all bloggers are taking advantage of the new year to get back to their blogs and get writing again. I know I've been remiss, but when you're working on a second Master's degree which basically requires writing papers every week, the last thing I want to do for enjoyment is write.
But I find that I have to say to wrap up 2011 and ring in 2012, so please forgive me as my thoughts go all over the place in this cathartic exercise of brain dumping about about to embark on.
2011 was the year of new friends. There was nothing wrong with my old friends, most of which still remain a very active component of my life. But anyone who says you can't make new friends in your thirties is severely mistaken, as I have made incredible new friends this past year from my involvement in life as a thirty-something. I've said it aloud many time but let me put it in writing: I am TRULY blessed by the friends I have and the fact that I can say I have friends as far away as Alaska and San Diego and as close as right here in town, and almost everywhere in between.
I've learned a lot about what's important, and what's not. People are important. Things, while nice, are not. I find more pleasure in spending time with my friends and family then I do in buying a gorgeous new purse. Sure, I love the new purse, but after a few days of carrying it thru daily life, there's always something that seems to annoy me about it - either it's too heavy, falls off my shoulder, doesn't zip easily, or I can never find what I'm looking for in it. Family and friends can be annoying, too, but I will forever carry them with me through life. I will, eventually, get tired of carrying that newest purse around, and it will go in my closet amongst the others I've forgotten.
Let me backtrack a moment...TRUE people are important. Toxic ones are time-wasters and really suck the life right out of you. The old rule we learned in kindergarten that "honesty is always the best policy" stands true today. If only more people would still listen to it! I pride myself on my straight-shooting, and find the people I keep closest to me are equally, if not more so, straight shooters. I love that always know where I stand with them, and I love that I can always tell them straight as well. We would all feel so much freer if we were just more honest - with each other, with ourselves... So with the new year I have decided to cut ties with anyone who doesn't stand a chance being honest or true. Forgotten for Auld Lang Syne.
Life continues to surprise and entertain me, even though at times during this year it took a LOT of effort to keep positive and be happy. But the people who I keep close, or have brought closer, always seemed to know how to pull it out of me, even without them knowing they had to do it. And for that, I thank them.
You never know how you're going to meet someone, or what's going to come out of someone's mouth next, but you always can be entertained by it, even the weirdest of circumstances.
So today I entered 2012 feeling entertained by 2011 and looking forward to a brand new year to start fresh..again.
And because I just can't get enough of Big Bang Theory and the concept of Schrondinger's Cat, please enjoy this clip which I've decided is going to keep me keeping on in 2012.
Bazinga.
But I find that I have to say to wrap up 2011 and ring in 2012, so please forgive me as my thoughts go all over the place in this cathartic exercise of brain dumping about about to embark on.
2011 was the year of new friends. There was nothing wrong with my old friends, most of which still remain a very active component of my life. But anyone who says you can't make new friends in your thirties is severely mistaken, as I have made incredible new friends this past year from my involvement in life as a thirty-something. I've said it aloud many time but let me put it in writing: I am TRULY blessed by the friends I have and the fact that I can say I have friends as far away as Alaska and San Diego and as close as right here in town, and almost everywhere in between.
I've learned a lot about what's important, and what's not. People are important. Things, while nice, are not. I find more pleasure in spending time with my friends and family then I do in buying a gorgeous new purse. Sure, I love the new purse, but after a few days of carrying it thru daily life, there's always something that seems to annoy me about it - either it's too heavy, falls off my shoulder, doesn't zip easily, or I can never find what I'm looking for in it. Family and friends can be annoying, too, but I will forever carry them with me through life. I will, eventually, get tired of carrying that newest purse around, and it will go in my closet amongst the others I've forgotten.
Let me backtrack a moment...TRUE people are important. Toxic ones are time-wasters and really suck the life right out of you. The old rule we learned in kindergarten that "honesty is always the best policy" stands true today. If only more people would still listen to it! I pride myself on my straight-shooting, and find the people I keep closest to me are equally, if not more so, straight shooters. I love that always know where I stand with them, and I love that I can always tell them straight as well. We would all feel so much freer if we were just more honest - with each other, with ourselves... So with the new year I have decided to cut ties with anyone who doesn't stand a chance being honest or true. Forgotten for Auld Lang Syne.
Life continues to surprise and entertain me, even though at times during this year it took a LOT of effort to keep positive and be happy. But the people who I keep close, or have brought closer, always seemed to know how to pull it out of me, even without them knowing they had to do it. And for that, I thank them.
You never know how you're going to meet someone, or what's going to come out of someone's mouth next, but you always can be entertained by it, even the weirdest of circumstances.
So today I entered 2012 feeling entertained by 2011 and looking forward to a brand new year to start fresh..again.
And because I just can't get enough of Big Bang Theory and the concept of Schrondinger's Cat, please enjoy this clip which I've decided is going to keep me keeping on in 2012.
Bazinga.
Friday, October 1, 2010
College students should do a lot of things, but they shouldn't die
College students shouldn't die.
They should wear pajamas to class and the hottest new outfits to go out at night, but they shouldn't die.
They should stay up too late having conversations with their roommate and pull all-nighters at the last minute to get that paper done, but they shouldn't die.
They should drink a little too much when they probably shouldn't be to explore boundaries and challenge the rules they were brought up with, but they shouldn't die.
They should take road trips, cut class to go to the mall, eat Ramen noodles and consider it a meal, and be broke, but they should NEVER die.
College students should fall in love and get their hearts broken and fall in love all over again, but they shouldn't die.
They should make a late-night run for ice cream when they really should be studying and procrastinate homework for Facebook, but they shouldn't die.
They should go out in the middle of winter without a coat and wear flip flops at the first sign of Spring in March, but they shouldn't die.
They should spend a summer in a foreign country using a language they barely know, but they shouldn't die.
They should "borrow" silverwear and cups from the dining hall to furnish their room, but they shouldn't die.
They should get pierced but not by bullets and pranked but not bullied, and they should never die.
What happened this week at Seton Hall University and Rutgers University is gut-wrenching. There's no excuse for it, and no one deserved what they got. Familes, friends, and complete strangers are heart-broken. University administrators and faculty are overwhelmed by counseling needs and forgetting their own. Students are scared. There's a lot of things college students do, that, as adults, we know they probably shouldn't and would prefer they didn't, but one thing's for certain: they shouldn't die.
They should wear pajamas to class and the hottest new outfits to go out at night, but they shouldn't die.
They should stay up too late having conversations with their roommate and pull all-nighters at the last minute to get that paper done, but they shouldn't die.
They should drink a little too much when they probably shouldn't be to explore boundaries and challenge the rules they were brought up with, but they shouldn't die.
They should take road trips, cut class to go to the mall, eat Ramen noodles and consider it a meal, and be broke, but they should NEVER die.
College students should fall in love and get their hearts broken and fall in love all over again, but they shouldn't die.
They should make a late-night run for ice cream when they really should be studying and procrastinate homework for Facebook, but they shouldn't die.
They should go out in the middle of winter without a coat and wear flip flops at the first sign of Spring in March, but they shouldn't die.
They should spend a summer in a foreign country using a language they barely know, but they shouldn't die.
They should "borrow" silverwear and cups from the dining hall to furnish their room, but they shouldn't die.
They should get pierced but not by bullets and pranked but not bullied, and they should never die.
What happened this week at Seton Hall University and Rutgers University is gut-wrenching. There's no excuse for it, and no one deserved what they got. Familes, friends, and complete strangers are heart-broken. University administrators and faculty are overwhelmed by counseling needs and forgetting their own. Students are scared. There's a lot of things college students do, that, as adults, we know they probably shouldn't and would prefer they didn't, but one thing's for certain: they shouldn't die.
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